GREY PRIDE

 More than ever before, women in large numbers are embracing their grey hair (or gray hair if you are using American English).  I have loved watching the transition of all the die-hard dyers embracing the natural state of their locks.  Most fall into the category of midlife and beyond.

This can be a difficult time in a woman’s life. Often, we are wrestling with the loss of our role as an involved mom since our kids have become more independent or even left home.  There are changes within our bodies that knock us off kilter, we wonder if there is a space for us anymore in the workplace, and we can end up feeling invisible.

While a cloak of invisibility sounds appealing in the books of Harry Potter, in everyday life it is difficult to navigate this feeling of being unseen. I wonder if you have experienced this feeling as you have reached the second half of life?

In a recent article in The Los Angeles Magazine, the author recounts the first time former super-model Paulina Porizkova felt invisible.  If one of the most exquisitely beautiful humans can fade into the background and feel unseen as she crossed the border into her 50’s, no wonder the average woman has those feelings. The author goes on to talk about how our culture is obsessed with youth and how Paulina is on a campaign to challenge this way of thinking. Her Instagram is filled with unedited images of herself, celebrating the life stage she is in, defying the societal norm.

THE POWER OF GREY

The embracing of grey seems like an act of defiance much like Paulina’s.  When the transition to midlife happens, we have the choice to fade into the background, believing our time of usefulness and contribution is over, or we can stand up to the ageism we experience (sometimes from our own selves) and search for a new sense of purpose and meaning in our lives. One of the core needs of a human person is to feel as though we are contributing something of value, so it serves us well if we can figure out what this might be in this stage of life. It is up to us to choose the path forward and live with intention rather than resignation.   

It may require a period of self-examination to figure out who you are now that you have moved beyond the roles that once defined you.  You might need to reaffirm your values and determine if there are some steps to take in order to live with greater alignment to those values. (Here is a resource for that).

For some it will be clear what your next steps are, and for others it will take time to work out.  There is though, no doubt that you are of great value and have much to offer the world. You may feel invisible some days, but your everyday, acts of service are making a difference.

Here are a few things we can all do to embrace the power of grey:

1.      Bless our grown children. 

We have moved past the time when we are actively parenting our kids, so now is the time to release them and cheer them on as they learn to navigate life on their own. More than a parent, right now they need a cheerleader.  They need our support, prayers, and cheers from the sidelines. We have taught them our values and they have already chosen to accept or reject them, so the time has come to bless. Instead of spending our time worrying over them, what if we took time each day to pray blessings over them?   

2.      Encourage and support the next generation

If you ever had the experience of an older woman offering words of encouragement as you were in the throes of young motherhood, you know how priceless this gift is. Who is there in your world that could use encouragement right now?  Maybe be on the lookout for complete strangers that you could encourage in the grocery store or restaurant.  Perhaps your church community could link you with a young woman who would like to be mentored in some area of life.  Your experience has equipped you with many skills these young women may never have been taught.

3.      Give time to contemplation and action

This time in our lives, especially if we are not working full-time, offers us space to pursue a deeper spiritual life. This is of great value not only for you but for all of society.  The early mystics of the church with their quiet contemplative lives are still influencing culture today. Praying for our world, nation, communities, and families is an immensely valuable contribution, even though we may never be able to measure it.  Our time in contemplation can also lead us to be more active in our communities as we are burdened for the poor or marginalized.  We might be drawn to work at the food bank, join in protests, or write to our political leaders.  This is important work to be involved in.

So, whether or not you embrace the greying hair, I hope you do embrace this season you are in. As we age, we can trust that God still has plans and purposes for us that are good. 

Verses to Encourage you:

Psalm 46;4 NIV 

“Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am he; I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” 

Psalm 92:12-14 NIV 

“The righteous will flourish like a palm tree,
    they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon;
 planted in the house of the Lord,
    they will flourish in the courts of our God.
They will still bear fruit in old age,
    they will stay fresh and green.”

If you are an empty nest mom, you can get my tips for navigating this season and finding greater joy here:

 photo by Natasha Brazil via Unsplash