A story of a little girl and her shoes…
We drive, not to the fancy new mall, but to the old part of town, with it’s metered parking, dated shops, and air of nostalgia. In my memory, I am excited to be shopping for new shoes, I have in mind some cute ones like my friend in Sunday School has. I am almost 5 years old and about to head off to school for the first time.
The shop is not bright and trendy, rather more like a place the senior’s bus would drop off it’s load in search of comfy loafers and orthopedic walkers. On the shelves I do not see what I am looking for. Instead, I see sensible saddle shoes reminiscent of cowhide in its patchy black and white. Plain black or brown lace ups looking suspiciously like shoes my older brother would wear are also displayed in the girl’s section. My enthusiasm for this shopping trip wanes.
I have very narrow feet which means that this place, Roo’s Shoes, is the only place with shoes to fit my tiny feet. The dream I had of showing off my beautiful new shoes and feeling like a princess is snuffed out, stomped on, and kicked the curb. I leave with a box filled with ugly shoes.
Add to these ugly shoes, being dressed in pleated skirts which were spoiled by the unsightly suspenders I needed in order to hold them up. I was the only one in my class afflicted with this particular thorn in the flesh.
For a little girl who longs for beauty wearing these shoes and suspenders felt like betrayal, a heavy cross to bear.
I wonder if these early experiences of denied longings and disappointments led to patterns of thought and behavior that I fell into and failed to evaluate?
My desire for an abundance of beautiful things to wear became unconscious over-consumption.
Perhaps our particular addictions or automatic behaviors have been an attempt to repair something in the past.
It turns out not to be about the clothes or the shoes at all, but about an unmet and unheard desire.
Is there something here that reminds you of a loss or longing you had as a child?
How have you soothed that ache?
Ask God if there is something He wants to heal in you.
Read more about desire here.